Free News

I'm not a fan of newspapers - I don't buy a daily and I don't pick up any I see lying around, much preferring to turn back to whatever book I happen to be carrying at the time. Newspapers to me are not worth the effort and insult my sense of responsibility slightly by being too easy to not recycle. I often wish I was more 'in tune' with current events, but not enough to be buying or reading a paper every day.

If you live in London, travel into or around London, or have read Neilly Done, you'll know that that over the last few months there have been a growing number of free papers being produced and handed out in our fine-ish capital. Due to a number of factors - having read Neil's post, having had a couple of pints after work, sitting down on the train and being confronted by a stack of about eighteen papers - I decided to shun my copy of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, much as it entertained me this morning, and pick up the first thing that came to hand - London Lite.

I think I continued reading this paper because it had a picture on the front of Britney in fishnet tights and I had a random conversation today about fishnets. Strange but true. Actually, it wasn't that random a conversation - I started it. But for some reason this morning it seemed like almost everyone was wearing fishnets and I don't particularly like them so I mentioned it and then Britney turns up wearing them!

Now this paper, London Lite, I found as pointless as any other. In fact, more so, due to the way that it inexpertly weaves celebrity gossip with real news. However it still kept me reading for the entire 45 minute journey and there were a few things in there that made me chuckle and/or think for a moment.

• First up was the guy who somehow managed to successfully charge people £300 to sit their driving theory test for them. I wish I'd thought of that. Unsurprisingly, given what I know of this test having sat it myself four years ago, he had a 100% pass rate. Until he got caught.
• Next, there's a quarter of a page given over to Gail Porter slipping on a step. Since when is that news? Or gossip? I'll admit I have a bit of a soft spot for Gail Porter ever since her Blue Peter days, but surely this is just an excuse to point out (probably again) that she's got alopecia. I didn't know that before, but hey, now we have something in common :-)
• Apparently Jennifer Aniston sleeps in her dog's bed when she wants to get an extra 20 minutes kip. I guess with her being so rich her dog probably has a bigger bed than I do, but that's still odd.
• Lastly, there's the story of a dog that takes the bus down to his local pub when he's supposed to be working down the farm. The story says that the dog's owner originally bought the terrier to keep down the rodent population. See now, that's where he's gone wrong - I'd have bought a cat for that particular duty. Most people are aware that cats are better suited to that role and that, generally, they're tee-total. There's always the exception that proves the rule, but I'd trust a cat with my stock of hooch before I'd leave Fido alone with an opposable thumb and a bottle of vodka.
  

Maybe its because of those two pints earlier, or perhaps its due the extra one I had on the train home, but I find myself here writing about my paper-reading experience, almost in its entirety. This is my longest blog post ever. I've suddenly become what I feared most - your everyday, archetypal blogger, rambling on about nothing that anyone is ever going to read. Is that what beer does to a person? Are the majority of bloggers permanently drunk? I tend to have a couple of drinks after work at least once a week - perhaps this will happen again. Should I be scared?

There is a happy ending to this story - I bought the paper home with me and it will be recycled.

PS - Kiran, update your Blog and maybe I'll post some failed fireworks photos to make you feel better about your own.