Who could resist?
OK, I'll admit it, the film was laughable - but a chuckle is never a bad thing is it? Here is a brief synopsis:
In 1998 a manned-mission is sent to Venus. A meteor hits the spaceship and everyone dies. Oh well.
A second mission is sent. This one crash lands on Venus, stranding two astronauts and 'Robot John' (a robot called John who everyone calls Robot John so we don't get too attached to his strangely-dexterous, but sadly hydrophobic ways).
A third mission is sent to rescue the men from certain space-suit rash. This one lands without problem, but where are the rescue-ees?
In a journey across the planet to find the stranded crew members, the rescuers (in their submersible space-car) encounter the scantily clad creatures of the title. Being aliens, the titular gals communicate by telepathy and can summon storms, fire and volcanic eruptions with a little group-thought. Being prehistoric, they worship a pterodactyl.
The Earthmen kill the pterodactyl, garnering the wrath of the Venusians. After the humans escape all attempts on their lives, the aliens realise that Earth's technology is stronger than their prehistoric God ever was and we leave them prostrating themselves in front of their new idol - a broken-down and seared-by-hot-magma Robot John.
A second mission is sent. This one crash lands on Venus, stranding two astronauts and 'Robot John' (a robot called John who everyone calls Robot John so we don't get too attached to his strangely-dexterous, but sadly hydrophobic ways).
A third mission is sent to rescue the men from certain space-suit rash. This one lands without problem, but where are the rescue-ees?
In a journey across the planet to find the stranded crew members, the rescuers (in their submersible space-car) encounter the scantily clad creatures of the title. Being aliens, the titular gals communicate by telepathy and can summon storms, fire and volcanic eruptions with a little group-thought. Being prehistoric, they worship a pterodactyl.
The Earthmen kill the pterodactyl, garnering the wrath of the Venusians. After the humans escape all attempts on their lives, the aliens realise that Earth's technology is stronger than their prehistoric God ever was and we leave them prostrating themselves in front of their new idol - a broken-down and seared-by-hot-magma Robot John.
What made the film for me was the fact that it had been completely unaltered from its 1968 drive-in début: it still contained the intermission adverts, telling me what I should do in case I accidentally turned off the radio, and trying to convince me to walk over to the snack stand where I could buy 'the best burger in town' and a soft drink that would remind me of the 'freshness of winter'.
After the main feature it just got better - more 1960's advertising, followed by Fish From Hell - a 1940's documentary charting life on the sea, where killing anything that moves is what its all about. The Fish From Hell in question are Manta Rays ('devil fish' which eat their own weight in fish every day thus robbing dinner tables everywhere of food, the cads) and Swordfish (600lb beasts of the ocean which hunt and kill poor defenceless whales, the curs). Most terrifying however was the giant Octopus - this 'elephant-spider of the ocean floor' with it's 'slimy, death-dealing, double-side suckered tentacles' is 'BEHIND YOU MAN! GET OUT OF THERE!'
6 comments:
Hi Dave;
It is late on a Saturday night for after a great out, very cool article that deserves much more than I can give it right now, I will be back Sunday (wow I had to clean up a lot of typos)
Hmm not a very good job of editing I did…sorry.
I have one question? Where in plot we meet the prehistoric WOMEN? Aside that the movie sounds pretty cool. I wish we had that kind of crappy american tv here :) Just for the fun...
I am almost thru the movie and will post a comment on it tomorrow. I recommend it to everybody, it is very funny.
Ok I know, I know I am slowwww, almost done, in the mean time Dave I have tagged you with a meme at Creation on the Blade, it is one that I believe your dear adherents would find of interest…
….so it took me a couple of weekss to make it all the way thru the movie …
I haven’t seen robot wars for awhile now but it was actually kind of interesting.
I always found Xena to be a bit of a disappointment.
I laughed when I read the write up at the link you set up; the movie was originally made by the Soviets and then adapted by an American producer!
It was hilarious!
You can see a Soviet red star on one of the fins of the rockets when they take off.
I loved the space station refueling scene; it was so melodramatic that I almost fell on the ground. A bunch of men run outside on the space station and stand in formation and that is “refueling”.
The tentacle plant/monster is a definite “keeper”; I loved it when one of the charters says “we should take it back for a zoo”; how things have changed.
The “space car” (hover car) was sooo cooool, a Soviet model perhaps (it is also a boat and submarine)?
Here is one of the best dialogues I have ever seen in a movie (a strange ethereal hymning voice is heard in the distance)…
“Almost sounds like a girl”
“A girl perhaps…or a monster”
I loved the line:
“To a man of science anything is possible until proven otherwise”
I thought that scientist didn’t believe anything till they could “prove” it…
…great line!
I loved the scene with the “Venus girls” (all gorgeous long “blond” haired [bad wigs] girls in…interesting outfits…nowadays they would probably be naked in such a movie) in the water catching and eating fish with their hands and teeth!
The scene when the pterodactyl “god” attacks the hover car is hilarious; I love the “astro gun”.
When “Robot John” carries the two astronauts thru the lava on its back and its self preservation system dictates throwing them in the lava I could barely control myself it was sooo funny (shades of Data on Star Trek NG). Poor “Robot John” left to melt in the lava!
The scene when the girls find “Robot John” in solid lava is great…
It was very humorous the way the Venus girls don’t speak but use mental telepathy!
Then just when you think the Earth men will escape the pterodactyl “god” uses water in an attempt to stop the evil invaders from Earth…
…time for an emergency take off!
…A just in time escape…so the girls then attack (throwing rocks like some Hollywood actresses) the statue of their false god because it couldn’t stop the rocket.
But then they set up Robot John instead of the pterodactyl for worship.
Humans have since the beginning tried to worship gods of their imagination (images) instead of the one true God (Who tends to challenge their imaginations)!
A lot of fun to watch even if it took me a couple of weeks!
No ads left in this version of the movie…
The End
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